The Fight
by BrokenOutlaw
Summary: "...A love too wrong. Our love not a right. In strength we do love, As we take on this fight." The story of a battle of Love. Adam/Brad
1. Chapter 1  Silently Smiling

Chapter 1: Silently Smiling.

_"Our love was born_

_Our love was true_

_Bound to Me_

_Bound to You_

_A love too wrong._

_Our love not a right._

_In strength we do love_

_As we take on this fight."_

He moved across the room slowly, his hands buried in clothes, folding them in an effort to keep busy and calm his nerves. Brad watched intently, his head leaning on the doorframe, as Adam slowly packed each item individually into the open suitcase lying on the bed. The pacing across the room seemed to quicken as Adam moved from one side of the room to the other.

"You're staring at me again" Adam stated, his eyes not meeting Brad's.

"Im trying to memorise you" was the quiet reply from the other side of the room.

A smile tugged at Adam's face as he folded more clothes into his case. "You planning to forget?"

It was a simple phrase, but even that made Brad shift uncomfortably. Adam was going off to the army, on a three month mission somewhere in Iraq that Brad was sure, wasn't on a map. Forgetting was the least of his worries.

"Fuck it, Brad. Talk to me!" Adam finally shouted, breaking the silence. There was no way they were going to spend their last few hours in silence. He wouldn't allow it.

Brad watched as Adam threw the clothes in his hands angrily into his case before sitting down on the bed, his eyes desperately looking up at him. There was a silent invite in his eyes for Brad to join him. But he didn't.

"And say what?" Brad asked, still not moving from the doorframe, "Don't go? Because I could say it a thousand times and know that I'm still going to lose you. This isn't a solo vacation, Adam. You're going to war. And you're basically forced to forget about me for 3 months while I go on and try and pretend you don't exist. Its best to say nothing, then neither of us will get hurt".

Adam tilted his head.

"When do you ever say nothing, Bradley Bell?" There was a slight smile as he said it, but it still didn't pluck one from Brad.

Adam rose from the bed and moved over to him. Part of Brad wanted to move away and not allow Adam to touch him. Maybe if he kept his distance, Adam wouldn't be able to get close enough to hurt him. But that was inevitable.

He felt Adam's hands find his fingers and weave them into his own. His eyes trailed off to the floor.

He didn't want to face goodbye, didn't want to look up and see that face in front of him - and know that in a few hours, that face would be gone. Perhaps forever.

"Hey" Adam said quietly. He moved a hand to Brad's chin and slowly lifted it so that Brad's catlike eyes were focused on his. He could see the tears brewing behind them, the desperation almost.

Adam knew Brad wanted him to stay. He didn't want him to go off to war. They both knew what war meant, and the laws of the country didn't make it any easier. But it was something he had to do, something he wanted to do. There was no backing out now, even if he wanted too.

"Its ganna be okay" Adam told him, before enveloping his partner in a hug, his head resting on Brad's shoulder and his hands massaging up and down his back.

"What if you don't come back?" the quiet voice of Brad asked him.

Adam drew back and stared his boyfriend right in the eyes.

"I will come back" he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince himself or Brad but he felt that his tone was confident, even if he didn't feel it.

"You don't know that" Brad told him quietly, his gaze once again falling to the floor.

"No. I don't. But I know in my heart that You do. I don't know how its going to be. All I know is they're not allowed to ask and im not allowed to tell. But you know I wont forget you. I'll write and the letters will be addressed to Danielle, but they'll be for you. We'll get through this. Its just a stupid law."

"What if they find out?" Brad asked, his voice uncertain and he wondered if he really wanted to hear the answer to the question he had left hanging in the air.

"They wont" and Adam's tone was stern as if he would make it his single mission in life.

Truth was, he couldn't guarantee that either. The US army had strict laws against gay officers. If anyone found out that Adam's partner was really Brad, and not Danielle, he would be kicked out of the armed forces and banned from serving again. It was a risk he had to take in order to serve his country, but it was the way it had to be.

Adam knew that in a few hours they would be at the airport. He knew he would have to watch every other soldier kiss their wife goodbye, while he could only shake Brad's hand - a single law standing in the way of a kiss - maybe he could give him a brief hug, but that was it. Nobody could find out they were together. That would jeopardize everything.

So why was he doing it? One person. His Father.

Adam could still remember that day as a kid when his father had hung his medal over Adam's head and told him "We all have a duty, son. Everything comes at a price. We wouldn't have this free country unless we fought for it. You're too young to understand, but one day, you'll get it. You'll fight too."

He also remembered that day that his mother had got the phone call. The way she had run over to the neighbors house and collapsed into the arms of a friend.

Nobody had to tell Adam. He knew that his father wasn't coming home. Shot through the heart and killed on duty.

"He died for this country. He died fighting. He was fighting for your freedom" Adam's mother had told him.

It was that same day that Adam had told his mother that he would fight too. As soon he was old enough he'd go to war and follow in his father's footsteps. Today was that day.

Adam looked at Brad now. He wondered if he was making a mistake. He knew there was a high chance he could meet the same fate as his father. But he also felt he had a duty, both to his father and to himself.

Brad's mouth opened to argue but Adam placed a single finger over his mouth, silencing him.

"I don't need you to tell me that I might be making the biggest mistake of my life. I need you to KNOW that i'm making a mistake, but still be there to pick up the pieces and love me at the end of the day." He smiled as if seeking approval.

"Well cupcake" Brad began, and Adam grinned at the return of his usual quirky confidence, "If I ever regretted the 'mistake'" and he quoted in the air with his fingers on the word, "of loving you…we wouldn't be having this conversation would we?"

Adam nodded. He then slowly let go of Brad's hands and moved back to his suitcase.

As he moved, he saw the smile once again fade from Brad's face. He knew that look. His Mother had given it to him too. It was a face full of many emotions. A slight plea in the eyes hoping that Adam would change his mind, lips pursed in defeat as the realization that nobody could say anything to stop him sunk in. There were worry lines in the cheeks and dark circles under the eyes from many sleepless nights tossing and turning and wondering 'what if' and then there was that stare. That searching look. That love. That stare that provided comfort for Adam and the knowledge that even if they didn't agree with his choice - they would still be here when he returned….if he returned…with open arms.

But Adam knew that Brad wasn't his mother. Brad was his lover. And for him, this war was the beginning of two fights. Survival and the love. They had been together for the last two years. Living together, sharing their life experiences, their goals. They had survived heartache and loss, laughed for hours at nothing at all and had many conversations late into the night about small nothings without a care in the world. Their relationship was love. Had always been love. And as with any relationship, they had had their fair share of ups and downs. But through it all, they still stuck together.

But because of the state of the law, they both knew this could be the last time they were…together.

Once they left this house for the airport, the physical love had to be put aside. They would have to leave each other at the airport as friends - not lovers. Because what they had was considered 'wrong' by the army. Wrong enough to throw Adam out if they ever figured out the truth.

Once they stepped out of the door, they would become silent partners. In love but tight lipped. Hidden from the world. Living as if they didn't rely on the other in the ways that they did. Living as if they were 'normal', As if they were 'straight'. Adam would have to pretend that Danielle was his beloved partner instead of Brad, just so that he could send letters to his lover without any fear of being found out. It was the only way they could keep in touch.

Adam threw a glance Brad's way as his hands folded another shirt.

"Smile" he stated, but it came out as more of a question and laced with a plea.

"I cant" Brad replied, his voice stubborn as he crossed his arms. His voice almost choking. Adam could tell he was holding back the tears - he was trying to be supportive, trying to just be there.

"Smile…coz that's how I want to remember you. Just in case I…." his voice trailed off. They both knew the end of that sentence, but neither wanted to admit it.

"Don't you talk like that!" Brad told him, a sternness in his voice that Adam wasn't sure if he'd ever heard before.

He finally moved away from the doorframe and busied himself in Adam's wardrobe, moving without eye contact, avoiding the statement at hand.

"Brad" Adam said pointedly, stopping what he was doing and looking up at his boyfriend.

Brad detached a jacket from a clothes hanger but paused.

He watched as Adam walked over to him once again and followed his gaze as he bent down in an effort to capture Brad's eyes. "Just smile, okay?".

Brad looked back at him. And through the tears, he smiled.

Just in case…

This was the last time.


	2. Chapter 2 Holding On

**Chapter 2: Holding on**

Brad looked across the room at Adam's back as he heard the zip drag across the base of the suitcase - closing it off. He watched as Adam moved across the room and locked his arms around Brad's body, pulling him close before his lips captured Brad's.

A final connection, a promise, a sweet goodbye.

The two slowly pulled away from each other mournfully, as Adam's eyes set on Brad's.

"We have to go" he said quietly, his voice laced with sadness. Brad just nodded, knowingly.

There was hesitation as Adam slowly drew his hands away and turned to grab his suitcase sitting beside the door. He flung the door open and watched as Brad grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter. Both of them paused.

Adam stood in the doorway, his suitcase in hand, the cold air rushing through the open door. He looked back at his home - down the hallway of photographs of smiling faces looking back at him, his eyes catching on the bedroom down the hall and Brad's jacket hanging from a hook.

He moved a hand slowly down the wall, feeling the wallpaper and trying to remember the texture, trying to memorize the smell, the feel of his own home.

Brad stood by the counter, observing him, following his gaze.

"This is it" Adam stated, the words coming out in a long-held breath.

"Yep. This is it" was Brad's response. His fingers fidgeted with the keys in his hands.

Adam's could feel the familiar tightness in his throat that reminded him this was all real. His eyes pricked with tears as he looked over at Brad.

No matter where this journey took him, he knew that he wouldn't see Brad's face standing there. Wouldn't walk in to that incense filled home for a while or smell the sweet smell of lemon tea brewing in the pot. These were the things he would miss the most.

Brad saw the tears as they trickled from Adam's eyes and instantly walked over, enveloping him in a hug.

"Don't forget me, Brad" Adam whispered, his voice breaking Brad's heart as his tears soaked his shoulder.

"I could never forget you… I promise".

Brad drew back, his hand found Adam's chest and he trailed it down under his top, finally pulling out a dog tag hanging from his neck. He turned the piece of jewelry over in his fingers, inspecting each tiny groove in the silver. Adam watched him intently.

Brad rubbed the metal between his fingers, feeling every dent in the engraving.

"Bound to you" it read, in tiny, silver, swirled lettering.

He pulled out his own necklace then, setting them together in front of him - the silver chains slack in his hands.

"My promise to you lies right here" he whispered, "Always".

Adam smiled, watching as Brad buried the necklace back under his top. Together, they stepped into the cold air, closing the door behind them.

They met Danielle, one of their closest friends as they arrived. She hugged both of them before planting a kiss on Adam's cheek. Brad took the suitcase from the back of the car and began wheeling it behind him. He took it slow, as if he were counting each step as went. His head stared forward, his lips pursed.

"I can take that" Adam offered, extending his hand for the handle.

Brad just pulled the case away, his knuckles going white as he gripped it tighter. "No…just let me have this".

Their hands dangled awkwardly between them, wanting to grip the other, but knowing they couldn't.

To a point, Brad felt as if the suitcase was the last part of Adam he could hold onto. He didn't want to let go…not yet.

They drank coffee in the cafe before a voice over the intercom interrupted them.

Brad froze.

"Thats my call" Adam told him. He stood up and watched as Brad slowly did the same, rising from his chair. Hestitating. Stalling.

"Knock em dead, soldier" Danielle told him, the tears already flowing from her eyes. Adam pulled her into a hug, kissing her cheek and holding her close.

"Stay strong for me" he told her. She nodded, but couldn't find the words to say anymore.

He let go and turned to Brad. Watching as his head stared at the floor.

Slowly, he pulled him into a tight hug, pressing his head close to Brad's ear "I love you" he whispered.

He felt Brad's grip tighten around him and he had to squeeze his eyes shut in an attempt to push away the tears.

"I love you too" Brad croaked…and slowly they let go.

He passed the suitcase with a slight hesitancy…and with a final wave and a blow of a kiss to Danielle….Adam was gone.

As he settled himself on the plane, he sunk back into his chair, his gaze out the window. He thought he could see the shadow of Danielle and Brad watching him - but the sun blocked his gaze. His hand moved to his chest, clutching the necklace. Slowly, he drew it out and bought it to his lips before burying it back where it belonged. For the next few months, thats where Brad would remain - hidden, but still there, close to his heart. Bound to him.

A tall man with a dark moustache sat down next to him, interrupting his thoughts.

"Always hard saying goodbye, aint it?" the man asked, a smile in his voice.

Adam just nodded silently, unsure if he could bring himself to say anything quite yet.

"That your partner and brother seeing you off?" the man continued to talk.

Adam kept his gaze out the window. 'Brother' seemed like such a foreign word to him.

"Yea….something like that."

In the distance, behind glass, Brad and Danielle stood at the window, watching as the flight took off. Danielle raised a shaking hand to her mouth as the tears flowed and she attempted to contain her loud sobs.

Brad swallowed hard, willing himself to be strong and not feel anything yet. He looked over to see Danielle staring at him, her eyes wet from tears, her expression searching.

Slowly, Brad reached out a hand to hers and between them, joint in pain, they watched as a best friend. A partner…Disappeared into the clouds.

Danielle left eventually. She patted Brad on the back before leaving his side.

Brad couldn't move. He seemed to be glued to the spot, his eyes still staring up at the clouds as numerous other flights flew out. Part of him believed it wasn't real, and that if he stood in that spot for long enough, he would wake up and still be at home in his bed, with Adam smiling beside him.

It didn't happen.

After an hour or so, he finally pulled himself away, descending the steps back to the car-park. He dug the key into the door of his car and climbed in. As he closed the door, he looked over to the empty seat beside him - it seemed bigger without Adam sitting there.

It was silent. Nothing but the slow ticking of his watch filling the car.

For so many months, Brad had kept a carefully staged smile on his face. The supportive front, a smile he had shown everyday in an effort to make Adam smile too. To form an illusion that it was all okay. It had become so familiar that he almost believed it himself. But as the clock ticked….the realization sank in that Adam wasn't coming to fill that big seat beside him. And slowly, the smile that had been tying him together for so long…finally came undone.

His head fell into his hands and in a dark underground carpark…he cried tears that upstairs in the bright lights of the airport, he was not allowed to cry.

Maybe a crime.

But in a car, for a moment, he was completely alone.

Noone to see or hear him. Doused in silence - hidden from the world.

And for that single moment…

he was finally free to miss the man he loved.


	3. Chapter 3 Beauty Silently Slips away

The men all stood up the isles of the plane. They were not landing in some airport, but rather directly onto a battlefield. Adam could see out the window no roads or buildings just a long stretch of desert & dirt. There were no trees, just a makeshift garage, the tin caving in slowly on one side where it had been blackened by some kind of fire or explosion

As they stepped off the plane, they were greeted with a dry heat that Adam had never felt before. Intense. Like stepping into a giant sauna. Adam reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his cellphone. The screen was blank. Dead battery, but he knew that even if there was still life left in the device, they were in the middle of nowhere and there would be no signal anyway.

A slender man with blonde hair and a scarf wrapped around his neck stood beside Adam, both of them somewhat just observing the scene. "Phew hot aint it? We don't get this in Finland!" Adam smiled as the man unwrapped his scarf from his neck and dug it into his backpack.

A tall man, already dressed in a khaki uniform separated himself from the men to stand in front. "Welcome to the base. Each of you are to go and put these uniforms on - there is a room just beyond the shed there. You are to wear these uniforms with pride. These are the representation of the country we are all fighting for. These men that stand around you will become your roomates, your brothers and your family for the next few months. You will respect each other and look out for each other. We will move out to camp in around 10 minutes." Adam watched as the man unzipped a large black bag and began taking out folded uniforms and distributing them amongst the men.

"Just one size?" Adam heard the blonde man ask as he was passed his. The tall man just laughed at him. "Sizes will be the least of your worries, son." Adam saw the man shrug and look at Adam. He was about a head and shoulders shorter than he was. "I'm Niko" he said, smiling and extending a hand Adam's way.

"Adam." His hand was callused as he shook it. Together they began to follow the others around the back of the shed.

"Where you from?" Niko asked, his fingers investigating the fabric of the jacket he had in his hands. "LA" was Adam s reply. "Oh I'm from Finland been living in New York for the last few months, though". Niko's accent was thick, his pronunciation of some words, a little off, but still recognisable.

Behind the shed, all the men were already kicking off their jeans and shirts and changing into the pants, boots & jackets they d been given. Adam diverted his eyes to the ground as everyone stripped off. He slowly unbuttoned his own shirt and shrugged himself into the jacket. He looked over to see Niko beside him. The jacket swimming on his small body. "One size fits all" he heard him mutter as he rolled the sleeves up and buttoned himself up. Adam couldn't help but smile. His uniform fitted fine but he still rolled his own sleeves up - the uniforms weren't made for the stiffling heat that surrounded them.

The tall man appeared, tapping a clipboard. "I'm Sargeant Macintyre. Quick drill to make sure you all got on the right plane" there was a smile in his voice but nobody dared to smile back. He began calling out names from his clipboard, checking them off as everyone in the room replied. "…James, Rogers, Koskinen,"

"Yep You mean we re not going to Fiji?" Niko shouted. A few of the men sniggered under their breaths at the joke. Sargeant Macintyre instead threw him a serious look.

"Man if looks could kill" Niko whispered to Adam. Adam smiled. "This is not the place for jokes, Koskinen" the Sargeant began. "Actually it's just Niko. Mr Koskinen is my father" Niko stated matter-of-factly. The sargeant was not amused.

The troops, now all in matching colours, were ushered into the back of a truck that looked as if it would be better suited for moving sheep rather than men. They then began the slow journey to camp and their home for the next three months. "So…y'all got wives at home?" A man sitting across from Adam asked. His hair was shaven but he had a thick moustache above his lip.

A few of the men pulled out photographs.

"That s my wife Alexis and our two daughters"

"These are my two boys Dylan & Zachary 2 and 4"

"… Yeah I got a few wives".

Adam stayed silent, nodding and smiling at the photographs being passed around and agreeing every now and again with how beautiful someone's wife was, or how much someone's children had their mother's eyes.

"You got a partner?" Adam asked Niko, contributing to the conversation. Niko's eyes lit up, as he passed a photograph back to one of the other men, but didn't withdraw one of his own.

"Yea I got a wife, Jarvi. She s great. No kids, though." Adam nodded. The man with the moustache, whose name was Porter and didn't have a wife of his own as he believed 'why choose just one' , looked over at Adam. "What about you?" his eyes were expectant but friendly.

Adam thought about having to write letters eventually. But he had to be careful. "Yeah a girlfriend, Danielle. She's back home" he smiled what he hoped would be a believable reinforcement. Porter didn't ask anymore questions, just nodded.

The sun was beginning to fade as the day grew on. Adam didn't know what time it was, but over the rickety sound of the truck rolling over the dirt road, he looked up at the sky and watched as the sky began to change into brilliant shades of red and orange.

He was reminded of a vacation he once took with Brad. A four day cruise on a ship where every day they would run out to the deck, just to watch the sun sink into the horizon.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Brad had stated, "The way that the sun seems to just sink into the water silently at the end of every day how it seems to shut this part of the world off, just so the other half of the world can shine for a little while."

Adam wondered if the sun was still shining back in LA if Brad's day was just beginning to shine as his own slowly began to sweep away into darkness.

"Don't see that in the city, do ya?" Niko broke into his thoughts, "Its really something special, aint it?".

Adam kept staring up at the changing colours and the clouds swirling above him. He wished he had a camera, to capture that moment, to savour the silent beauty above him.

There was an explosion in the distance, causing each man to jump in shock. "What the hell was that?" Porter asked, his eyes wide. "Welcome home boys" the Sargaent s voice rang through.

The men all turned to see thick smoke billowing in the distance where a bomb had exploded. Everyone turned to look at each other, the reality setting in as a wave of fear, panic and realisation swept through the truck. Adam drew his eyes away from the smoke to look back up at the sky he realised the colour was gone. Just dark clouds now, casting shadows over each face sitting in the back of the truck, highlighting scared eyes of every man.

It was then that Adam knew The war had just begun.


End file.
